One of the first things we determine in counseling or hypnotherapy is whether or not a behavior is causing a problem.  If any area of your life causes a problem; it is a problem. Often the most unhealthy of habits are the hardest to break.  

Through honest evaluation we may conclude that your beloved; food, cigarettes, alcohol/drugs,  gambling, laziness,  or significant other is causing you anguish.  This is where the insanity part comes into play.   If I know something is ruining my life or at least creating havoc why can’t I just stop?

Change appears unbearable because the immediate gratification that I expect, is not offered. Any new changes mean that I would have to endure a certain amount of time being “uncomfortable”.   The ego or immature self is not willing to make any sacrifices.

Here lies the conflict:   The “wise” self knows you “should” act in a more “mature” manner, but the “irresponsible” self says “make me.”   You then either go into a denial mode and start rationalizing current choices or you surrender, making changes either slowly or dramatically. 

If the new “responsible” choices create an increased sense of being “deprived” or uneasiness you will opt to return to the old behavior. At this point you deduct that overeating or smoking cigarettes may be bad for your health, but the “possibility” of living longer or in better health is not as important as the current comfortable satisfaction in this moment.  After all, tomorrow may never come.   A smoker would rather suck in nicotine through a surgical tube in their throat than “miss out” on the momentary “highs”.  Not having the nicotine is impossible to fathom.   

I have noted one major theme that is overwhelming related to a committed transformation.    The pay off for change has to be greater than the loss.  The pain must be immediate, substantial and consequential for one to consider giving up their old habit.

Try to tell a five year old that eating too much candy will give them a stomach ache, and they will inform you, “I feel fine now, the last time I got sick was because I ate red candy, this candy is green.”     A compulsive gambler will justify spending his last ten dollars, stating  “the odds are with me now.”

When someone expresses the desire to change, faced with a hangover, or because their pants are too tight,  that is the perfect time to intervene with a “solution”.  

There are instances when you can create a sense of urgency and demand change if you are willing to participate in an “intervention”.  Utilize the assistance of a professional.  All of the concerned family, friends, or co-workers must be willing  lay it on the line and stick to the demands.   It is time for “tough love”.

Make resolutions that you are ready to live with, allow yourself to be successful:

Instead of saying I am going to stop eating junk food, you can more easily give up one kind.  You can focus on weight loss as a step by step process.

If you want to be more organized, start by cleaning out one drawer.  This gives you a sense of accomplishment which perpetuates trust in yourself.

Have you failed at the same resolution each year?  It’s not working.  You may need a new approach.  You may be expecting yourself to fail.  You can create a workable plan because you have made the decision to change and are willing to ask for help.

If you have a life style that is affecting your mental or physical health let us help you.  There are many ways change your mind.

Call or e-mail for free list of suggestions to ensure successful decision making
(C) Copyright 2005, Pamela Harper